Reflecting on 20 Weeks of Being Her Momma

reflections

This morning I woke up next to the sweetest sleeping baby I’ve ever met. Partly because she was still sleeping at 6:30am (hallelujah!), but mostly because she is mine. As I was surveying her features and praying over another day of nursing, diaper changing, shushing, reading, giggling and who knows what else, I realized that today marks the day I’ve been her momma for 20 weeks. I’m not sure what it is about that number, but it gave me pause.

Over the past few months I’ve shared what Naomi is learning and how she is growing, but I haven’t shared much about all the lessons I’ve learned about being a mommy. And since Naomi is still sleeping (another Hallelujah!) I’m going to grab my cup of coffee and use this time to reflect on how God has grown and stretched not just my physical body, but my spiritual and emotional self.

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Prior to having Naomi, I counted my days as worthy and good days based on how productive I was in my home and in my community. I am ever-so, slowly learning that my days will never be as “productive” as they were before having an infant. But as my husband often tells me, I am keeping a human alive and THAT is the most important work. Naomi has taught me to slow down and enjoy my days.

She has taught me a lesson that God has been trying to work into my heart for years that my worth doesn’t depend on what I’m doing, but by whose I am. I love Naomi just because she is here. She hasn’t done a thing to earn her keep in this house, but she is the apple of our eye. I am loved by God just the same. There’s nothing I can do that will make God love me less or more. I thought I knew that before I was a mom, but it has been brought to a whole new light.

My husband is the most patient man I know. Being a wife AND a mom is hard and I’m not very good at it yet. Jason and I are relearning how to communicate well (when we are sleep-deprived sinners), how to connect physically and how to just enjoy each other in this new season of married life.

I am in awe of the moms who have also gone back to work at this point. You deserve all the encouragement, prayers, and coffee out there. And know that we are all in this together. Motherhood shouldn’t separate us as women, but it should band us together to be each others cheerleaders.

There are a lot of opinions about how to mother and parent an infant, but none of them really matter. What matters is that I am prayerfully in tune with what my daughter needs and sometimes that looks completely different than what the books say and how your friends have parented and that’s OK (this has been the most freeing lesson I’ve learned yet as a recovering rule follower).

Motherhood in this first stage is more about letting go of my preconceived ideas, letting go of my pride, and finding a new way to walk this life than about training my daughter how to fit into my schedule.

“But what if, as that first year of babyhood winds down and a toddler stands where your baby once lay, what if you look in the mirror and realized that the one who has grown by leaps and bounds in the past year is you? If we let Him, God can use that first intense year of baby’s life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him. To cultivate in us a trust that follows His lead, seeks Him first, and understands His grace.” Spirit-Led Parenting by Megan Tietz & Laura Oyer

I could go on with all the things I’ve learned since taking on the title of “Mommy”, but I’ll save those thoughts for other times.

Every day I wake up and am so thankful that God did a miracle in my womb 61 weeks ago and created a new tiny person that I have the privilege to raise as my daughter and send out into this world.

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And, Naomi, thanks for sleeping in today!

Comments

  1. Laura Rosas says:

    I love reading your blog Sarah! You have a way with words that encourages my heart even as a single woman. I am so thankful for your example and benefit from your honesty and wisdom even hundreds of miles away.

  2. Desiree Comstock says:

    You are such a great writer. I have yet to have a full nights rest and am exhausted every day at work and get tired when playing with my kids when we all get home. This is a great reminder to cherish these moments no matter how tired I may be. My husband and I are relearning how to connect with having two kids, both working, and making sure our kids are happy and well taken care of.

  3. Sarah!! this is a beautiful piece of writing…I am so happy to have read it and to know you.

  4. This is beautiful and gives me all the feels! Keep loving your little one + keep writing! Maybe we can meet at Influence Conf — I think we have mutual “real-life” friends. 🙂

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