Dear God, please please please and thank you thank you thank you

Amazing Grace

Ever since I discovered Shauna Niequist‘s writing, I’ve said to my husband countless times “Shauna’s writing is my jam.” Meaning, her words spark hope, bravery and love into my life. This weekend I finished the first book she ever wrote, Cold Tangerines, and I felt like her words were written just for me in this new season of my life as a mom. During the writing of her first book, she gave birth to her first son and she wrote a chapter on her initial thoughts as a mom.

I think babies really do make you believe in God. They make you believe in God because there’s something just beyond understanding about their freshness and fragility and their smell and their toes. When they take their first breaths, and when they land, floppy and slippery on your chest under the bright overhead light in an otherwise dim delivery room, when you watch their tiny sleeping selves, when you hear their thin wild animal cries, you know, you just know in your guts that God is real, and that babies have been with him more recently, have come more directly from him than our worn-out old selves have. 

I also believe in God because I have to, because I need someone to pray to with my rabid, sweeping mix of fear and love. I have to believe in something else, I think, or I’d lose my mind. I think I would blow a fuse in my brain every night if I couldn’t entrust Henry to God for safekeeping while I sleep….I remember hearing my mother say she really learned how to pray when I was born, out of necessity and fear. And now I get it. This is my new prayer, my mother-prayer: Dear God, please, please, please and thank you thank you thank you

Reading her words took me back to a night that is etched in my mind. As part of our evening routine, Naomi has the pleasure of listening to her mama sing old hymns over her. One of the first times I sang over her I was singing Amazing Grace. Tears filled my eyes when I sang the final verse, When we’ve been there 10,000 years/ Bright shining as the sun / We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise/ 
Than when we’ve first begun. I looked into her fresh, bright eyes and those old, well-worn words rang new over me.

That night, as I sang God’s grace over Naomi I experienced a nearness with God that can only come when you get a peak into the soul of a fresh new baby and stand in awe of how God created her and knew her before she was ever born. All I could think in those moments of experiencing a glimpse of eternity was Thank you Thank you Thank you. I now bravely and out of tune, sing Amazing Grace over her every single night as I lay her down in her little crib next to me. Entrusting her to the one that we will sing praises to till the end of time.

Then I pray Father, please please please (keep her safe, help me to teach her to love Jesus) and thank you thank you thank you (for this gift and for another day with You).

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Comments

  1. jennymarrsphotography says:

    And, now I’m crying! So beautiful!!!

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