Nap Time Notes from a Tired Mama

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I have been wanting to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) for weeks now. I’m still adjusting to this new life as a mom and it’s been beautiful but slow moving. I have days where I feel like the newborn fog is lifting and then there are days where I’m covered by a thick blanket of exhaustion and all I can do is cuddle my baby girl and take care of her needs. I like both of those days…because I know these days are fleeting…I mean I have an almost 12 week old baby now! Where has the time gone?

I’ve decided that because I so desire to start writing again and I can’t have the same writing schedule I had pre-baby life, I’m going to start blogging a little differently for the time being. I’ll be using one of her naps at least twice a week to blog about what’s been on my mind. I’m not sure how this will work out or if any of this will actually be interesting, but I thought it’s at least something!

So here’s a fair warning to all my readers…I’ll probably have more typos and some posts my just end abruptly! I want to hit the publish button regardless. This could get very interesting!

So, here goes my first nap time notes…

I’m experiencing a little bit of a weekend hangover today. We didn’t necessarily do anything exciting this weekend (nothing compared to last weekend’s 4th of July activities), but I’m emotionally exhausted. My husband and I are on the brink of some changes in our life, so we’ve been having so many conversations around this topic as of late. It’s exciting, terrifying, and a bit complicated all wrapped up into one big bundle.

One thing I’ve learned from this process is that I struggle with separating my emotions from what is true. I am a person that tends to see life from a pessimistic viewpoint. Before I see the good, I feel the need to walk through all of the horrible outcomes first. I allow the fears to wrap around my mind before I realize that I need to think on what is true. And I’ve learned that sleep deprivation causes me to have even more irrational fears with a slower kick back to reality. For instance, a few weeks ago we took a drive up Mt. Lemmon to escape the heat for an afternoon. All I could think about during our drive up was how sure I was that Naomi was going to have a meltdown the entire time we were picnicking. What happened in the real world? Naomi slept…the entire time. It was fun and enjoyable, but it could have been even better if I would have released my fears of the unknown and seen the afternoon as an adventure.

After an intense discussion last night about the possible changes in our life, I woke up this morning thinking, yes this could be hard, but what do I really have to fear? Am I fearing what other people will think more than what God may be calling us to do? And Galatians 1:10 rang in my ears “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Kick in the gut.

I live in the fear of what others think of me rather than living in the steadfast approval I have from God through Jesus. I get stuck in feeling that if I don’t know the outcome of every situation, I can’t say yes to things that God may actually be calling me to. I see this as hindering my relationship with Jesus, my husband and my daughter. If I’m living in irrational fear and not trusting God to provide and protect, what am I teaching my daughter? I desire to teach her to live her life free from fear and to be a woman wild and free for the things of Jesus.

But first, I need to be that woman.

And it’s so hard. My nature isn’t one of wild, running ambition, but of cautious, calculated steps. There is good in that, but there’s also the tendency to get stuck and not experience the fullness of life that God has in store today.

So, how will I work toward being a woman living in the freedom that I have in Christ and trusting in God’s provision and protection? I think it starts with thinking on what is true. God loves me. God loves our family. My husband loves our family. I love our family. We desire to pursue with wisdom the things of God. When I think on those truths…I realize that whatever may come our way can be handled by the grace of God in our lives.

Baby is crying…this mama is out!

Have a great Monday friends!

 

Comments

  1. natalie says:

    been missing you around here! glad you’re back!

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